(The CW) NEW YORK - NEW YORK - Every week, 'Gossip Girl' know-it-all Rachel Seidman-Lockamy will recap the latest episode. All the dirt, all the drama from the privileged kids on the Upper East Side.

When we last left off in the UES, things turned scary-steamy as some relationships heated up, others cooled off, and one came to an abrupt end. Bart Bass is dead.

Lilly's mother is in town and she insists the children go on an eating binge to keep from losing track of their ordinary lives. Obviously, she hasn't noticed her grandchildren's waist lines! Seriously, do you think they could eat that much? A distracted Lilly takes off to the park for a secret rendezvous with Rufus Humphrey, who insists he's willing to wait as long as it takes to have another chance at being her one and only.

It all seems quite romantic until Grandma is spotted stalking Lilly and Rufus. Seems Papa Bass wasn't the only one with a penchant for hunting out the truth. As Grandma processes her new information, Lilly gets an earful from a message left behind by Bart before his death. Turns out, he knows the real reason she was in that hospital in France. He knows about Rufus, and he's ready to have it out with her. Wow, sounds like things were about to get juicy before the crash.

Back at Chez Waldorf, Blair eats bagels and lox with her soon-to-be-step-pappy. Momma Waldorf knowingly asks Blair how Chuck is dealing with his father's death, but he's not answering Blair's phone calls. It bothers her to no end, and she takes off from the table, taking her bagel with her. Looks like she's making an attempt at this blended family thing after all.

On the flipside, Dan goes to see his lovely ex, Serena, who has decided to wear a one-shouldered gown to her step-father's funeral. Fashion-sense while in mourning? Only you, S, could make that seem so classy. As S makes nice with Creepy Artist Guy, it's clear Dan and Aaron know she's got a choice in front of her long before she gets the memo.

Chuck sits at the bar, wasted already. The smarmy PI who rode Bart's last ride with him arrives with juicy information, but wants to sell it the highest bidder, and Chuck just doesn't have the clout, yet. Clearly, this PI's never attempted to tango with an enraged Bass. We urge caution, and a life vest.

Serena texts both boys in her life, Aaron and Dan, as they wait for her at the funeral. While Aaron grabs her in an awkward hug, she fully hugs her dear friend, Dan. Oh, yes, Lonely Boy. Looks like you might not be so lonely soon enough. Lil J arrives and comforts her old friend, Eric, who's anxiously looking for his boyfriend amongst the strangers' faces.

As the kids keep each other in check, Grandma Van Der Woodsen warns Lilly an interrogation regarding Rufus Humphrey is in her future. Oh, to be a fly on the wall during that conversation!

Lilly wonders where her step-son is. Finally, the black sheep of the family arrives completely trashed. Nate and Blair walk on either side of him, and you remember these three have one of the strangest friendship stories ever, yet still stick together. WTG Upper East Siders. Togetherness is so totally in.

Well, unless you're Dan Humphrey. Chuck goes off on Lonely Boy, infuriated to see him at the funeral, blaming Papa Bass' death on Rufus. A confused Dan leaves the funeral as Chuck publicly denounces Serena, Lilly and Eric as his family. Ouch.

Rufus sits with his guitar, playing another sad song that's probably about his long, lost love Lilly. Dan wonders what's up with Chuck. Of course, Rufus knows, but there are some secrets Brooklyn dwellers keep better than Upper East Siders, and this time, Dan's time with some of the most scheming kids in the city doesn't help his investigative skills. Seriously, Lonely Boy. Wake up and smell the coffee your dad just poured; Lilly and Rufus? So not over.

At the reception, Nate and Blair try to keep Chuck in check, but he claims he has work to attend to and makes a beeline for his father's office. Grandma convinces Lilly to go up there after him, and she gets an earful as he blames her for Papa Bass' death. She turns it around, telling Chuck he shouldn't have meddled, and it ends with Lilly slapping her step-son across the face. Chuck glares at her and says that as soon as the will's divvied up, she'll never see him again. But we can't help but wonder, is this an idle threat? Or have we really seen the last of Chuck Bass?

While Lilly and Chuck have it out, Cyrus declares he wants to marry Mama Waldorf the following evening. The news sends Blair into a panic, but Lil J is more than happy to try mending fences with Mama Waldorf by preparing an outfit for the ceremony. Blair watches as her mother's face fills with glee, and is forced to face the reality that her world might be crashing around her. So much for easing into this with bagels and schmear.

Blair spots Chuck trying to escape the party and pursues him downstairs where she tearfully grabs his hand and asserts that though she's not his girlfriend, she loves him. The words tear into an already-fragile Chuck, who can't deal with that overpowering burden at the moment. He runs out of there like a Bass out of… Oh, you get it… leaving B shedding tears in the cold, winter air.

At the party, Aaron surprises S with a plane ticket to join him in Buenos Aires. At first, the idea seems overwhelming, but she's definitely willing to consider. Meanwhile, Eric's boyfriend shows up, ready to make amends.

A phone call snaps Grandma out of the reception, and she rushes downstairs to meet with the PI, who's holding some information over Lilly's head. When Grandma tries to convince Lilly to come out with the truth already, Lilly begs her mother to pay off the PI to keep things under wraps. Gossip Girl wants to know what Lilly wants to protect so much.

The next day, Serena schedules a rendezvous with Dan to discuss Creepy Artist Guy's proposal… wait. I mean, invitation, to go to Buenos Aires. Like her mother, S wants Lonely Boy to give her a reason to stay, but unlike his father, Dan steps back and chickens out. Oh, Lonely Boy, don't you want some company on this road called life?

Blair walks downstairs to find her apartment a mess, filled with people preparing for a last-minute ceremony. She offers her soon-to-be-step-dad a "Mazel Tov" of congratulations, and he exclaims how much he loves her. That sets poor B off as she confesses her confession of adoration for Charles Bass. Let's break that down: B tells Cyrus she told Chuck she loved him. Cyrus holds his future stepdaughter as she cries, assuring her things will work out.

After a visit with the PI, Grandma comes home to find Lilly alone, and states things went well with the PI. With a little needling, Grandma gets Lilly to admit she's in love with Rufus, but when Serena overhears, it sends her head into a deep haze. Lilly tries to explain the situation to Serena, but there's no need. Serena encourages her mother to go after Rufus, and chooses to put her own re-budding romance with Lonely Boy on hold.

Speaking of Lonely Boy, it's a good thing he has Lil J to set him straight. As she finishes steaming Momma Waldorf's wedding outfit, she convinces her big brother that he's a class A idiot for letting Serena get away. The two take off, intent on righting the wrong before S spends Christmas with… ew… Creepy Artist Guy.

Chuck takes in another meeting with the PI and finds out he's the only one bidding on the information. After a little more booze and a lot of cash, Chuck finally has his hands on the info his father died knowing. Just goes to prove, you can't take every secret to the grave.

Serena meets Aaron over at Chez Waldorf and announces she will be going on that plane trip with him. Overjoyed, he kisses her, but not for long. Lonely Boy and Lil J show up, and things quickly get uncomfortable. With a moment alone, S clues Clueless Lonely Boy in on the fact that their parents are still in love, and the two of them just have to take a step back to give the older generation a chance.

Speaking of Lilly, she walks down the stairs to find Chuck sitting on the sofa, his hands wrapped around the information that could cause irreparable damage. He taunts her with it, but instead of replying with hate, she urges him to not turn his back on the people who love him, saying that's the one lesson his father never learned. She leaves him alone, and in a true act of selflessness and love, Chuck burns the information so no one else can read it.

At Chez Waldorf, a beautiful wedding erupts as even Lady B laughs and giggles. The small family stands around, united in a strange parade of white and champagne. Drinks all around, ladies. Momma Waldorf's off the market, and B actually approves.

They clink champagne glasses and chatter after the ceremony, but Dorota stops Blair with an important message; Chuck is in her bedroom. She walks in, both cannons loaded and ready to fire, but as soon as she sees the broken boy sitting on her bed, tears in her eyes, the anger melts away, and she just holds him. He clings to her, and it looks like the king and queen of revenge have finally found a sliver of something special with each other. They fall asleep, fully-clothed, side by side.

Rufus packs up for his trip, leaving a note for Dan. However, a visit from Grandma stops his plans short, and next thing you know, he has no intentions of leaving. We know Grandma knew what Chuck knows… but does Rufus know, too? The whole UES holds its breath in anticipation!

Aaron and Serena ride together in a limo, trying to make the most out of the trip. A distressed Dan attempts to call her to let her know his dad has no intentions of being with Lilly, thus freeing them up to be together, but she ignores his call, caught up in Aaron's teasing of "I love you." We all just gagged a little.

Rufus shows up at the train station to meet Lilly, but as soon as she sees him sans baggage, she gets something's up. He meets her eyes, saying he has one question. "Was it a boy or a girl?" Woah. Hold the phone. Did we just find out these two had a secret love child Rufus knew nothing about? Oh, January is too far away to find out more about this juicy morsel!

Meanwhile, Blair Waldorf awakes to find her prince gone, and nothing left but a note telling her she deserves better, and not to look for him. Chuck did say he would be disappearing with the settling of the will, but would he really cut off his beloved like that? And could he stand himself if he hurt her again? Sorry, Lady B. Looks like your prince has flown the coop.

What will the new year bring? Till then, Gossipers!
(The CW).